you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
