Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
