it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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