U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
