Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
