if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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