No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
