I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
