home. puking in laundry basket.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
