Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
