i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
