Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
