he shaved USA in his pubs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
