Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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