Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is Oprah even human
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize