Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
