She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
