oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The struggles of a small town man whore
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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