lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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