You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
