dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
