When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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