Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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