Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
