I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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