ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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