By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
