Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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