I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
