Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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