is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
