Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
