I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
