i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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