I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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