I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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