I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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