What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
