Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
