Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
