Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
