I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
