are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
