96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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