I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
