Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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