Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
