When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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