just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
