we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
