Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
