it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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