goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
