When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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