I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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