A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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