A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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