So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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