You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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