Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
