Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
