They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
