sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
