he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
