i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
