Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize