even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
