Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
