I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
