my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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