addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
