We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
