he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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