DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
