Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
