My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
