you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
ok first of all what the fuck
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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