you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
