I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize