If i come over, it means nothing
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
