Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
