I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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