you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
