ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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