i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
