chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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