the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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