So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
