Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
