i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
