I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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